Meet Zoey. The delightfully friendly Schnauzer/Terrier mix that came into our family in 2012. It was by chance that we had even encountered Zoey. My husband and I had been searching diligently for just the right dog and we thought we’d found our match with a pup named Charlotte. When we arrived at the shelter to meet her, a woman informed us that Charlotte had been adopted earlier that day. “But we have another dog that might interest you.” She escorted Zoey out of her kennel and it was love at first sight! Zoey was by no means what we pictured when thinking about our ideal pet. She was a little bigger than what we had in mind. Also, she was fairly old for a dog and we had been hoping for a younger pup. The minute we laid eyes on Zoey, we knew she belonged with us.
The feelings were definitely mutual! Zoey fit right in at our home. She was a faithful companion and brought much joy and laughter into our lives. When my oldest son was born, she attached to him instantly. She became his fierce protector, sleeping close to his bed from the day he came home. When the baby cried, Zoey cried too. Zoey was a second set of eyes and a loving support during those exhausting newborn days.
It was only a month after my son’s birth that we lost our Zoey girl. I thought the tears would never stop.
There is something really amazing about dogs (and I may be biased, but particularly my Zoey). They demonstrate unconditional love far more consistently than humans. No matter how my day had gone, Zoey was waiting for me in anxious anticipation. She was excited to see me, regardless of my job performance that day. Or how much money I had made. Or how I had treated others. In fact, I am certain that I could have left my house, committed a heinous crime, returned home, and Zoey would still have been thrilled to see me.
Zoey saw my real value. My value was not based on my actions that day. My value was based on the fact that I was a human being. HER human being. She belonged to me and I belonged to her. Researcher/author Brene Brown says, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” With Zoey, I could be my most authentic self. Zoey saw the good, the bad, the ugly and loved me deeply.
For some, it might seem like a terrible risk to adopt an older dog with poor health. It takes a certain vulnerability to open up your heart to a pet, knowing full well that their days are numbered. For us, it was a risk worth taking.
Sadness, grief and pain are inevitable. There is no avoiding them, try as we may. As I have mentioned before, our emotions are a divine gift, given to all of us for the good of our survival on this earth. But sadness? Where is the good there? The fact is we are relational beings. We are designed to be in community with others. We are designed to belong. Sadness drives us to develop and build these connections.
Today, during a worship service I felt awestruck by my sense of belonging. In that moment, I knew that I was right where I needed to be, with the exact people I need to be with. After taking inventory, I realized that these amazingly precious moments are not that uncommon. I can feel belonging during a staff meeting. Or a yoga class. Or during an impromptu karaoke party with my family. These are my people. This is where I belong.
Try as I may, I cannot take away the pain of my friends and family. Nor can they take away mine. Find your people, your drive, your Zoey. Love them wholeheartedly. We can’t prevent pain. But when we chose to build our community, we chose to build a safe place to land when the pain comes.
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